Choosing Optics

I went on a date yesterday. It was really fun, talked about the Dewey Decimal system, and so on... but I cannot see myself dating someone who dislikes Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. It should seem funny, perhaps, since there are so many preferences I wouldn't require a love interest to have, but two which might seem shallow would be somehow required. I guess it's because they are, even now, quite dear to me, like good friends almost. They're familiar refuges, part of my accustomed lexicon even. When I speak of a dwarf, I mean a Tolkien dwarf, when I think of Yavanna and someone in the same instance, it is a high compliment, and when I'm talking about little fuzzy things, chances are equal I'm talking about a Jawa or an Ewok (or even a dwarf, come to think of it, or a hobbit if you count their feet). They amuse me and move me. Is this a petty want? Perhaps. But it is mine.

But with one exception, each successive date has been better, as I better learn what I want. And with each time, though I worry for a brief time that I might be overinvesting myself in dating, I realize again that it's okay. I don't have to look that hard, and I'm happy if I don't. Because being happy at the start is the most important thing of all. And as I'm realizing, I enjoy just meeting people more than the contrived date, where there's no middle ground of compromise. I'd been fortunate before, with Leslie, and Mary, that I'd known them before we dated, and that it had gone so smoothly. More and more, I'm looking at this as an opportunity to socialize with interesting people. I want a relationship, but that's high on the list of Maslow's hierarchy for me. I'm good without. 

So... my want is sort of a choosing optic. It's a pun on a relation that doesn't exist, since "optics" and "opt" have different Latin word roots. It's the ability to see what I want, to choose the right lens with which to look at what happens. It's not infallible. Sometimes meeting new people can be a rough process, when one is looking for something more from an engagement than the other. So (despite the etymological separateness) having eyes for each other is just like wanting each other in the same way. Above my individual wants, that's what I look for. Beyond what I look for in an individual, that's what I want.